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1 day left of AP class, then im free... as the year draws to a close, i find myself, less and less busy... more time to focus on the fun things, like planning for grad. ah. the simple joys of being female. =) im writing out my baptism testimony at the moment, and i can't quite get past the intro. it seems impossible to cram my story into 3 minutes, so im praying for the wisdom to discern between what should best be said, and best reflect me. and after 2 years of waiting and wanting... and more than 11 years of walking with God... im so glad that its here. sigh, its a lull in the busyness of everyday. as i still silently wait and pray that the lovely Queen's will quickly reply me. its pretty tough waiting..that is. but patience is virtue, and virtue is key. i wonder what i'll feel when my high school chapter does reach its end. its still quite hard to believe, that after the summer i won't be walking into the same classroom. feels like 2004 all over again. i still remember walking into Mclaughlin's room. my hand tight around that card with my <3Fuji, that card to give me strength, a little piece of china. first step of courage. i guess i'll walk into university a little bit differently, a little bit similarly at least my step'll be steadier, my eyes will be brighter... but my legs will still tremble, and my heart might feel heavy. at the thought of time that has slipped past my fingers, and gone forever. if only time ran cyclical. but then again, nothing would be precious if we could relive. and then what would memories be for? i guess God knows what he's doing, after all, none of this is permanent. one day i'll have to step through those lovely white gates... but i don't think i'll be heavy-hearted, or mourning for time. i think i'll be sprinting forward with open arms. and an overwhelming unfathomable joy. but for now, i'll let time slip by me and sit silent as i listen to her lessons, and maybe she'll share a secret.. after all... she's been here from the beginning. and maybe i'll catch a word of wisdom, maybe a strand of hair... with a fragrance i can't quite describe... but a heaviness...a burden she bears... i wonder about the sights that time has seen, has her heart been broken... she's lived through every tragedy, been at the top of every mountain, and at the bottom of every valley. she'll be a beautiful creature... tantalizing...answering to no one. except Him from above. the things of life quite astound me but i think thats why i choose to walk through meadows of unknown, and brush my fingers on heads of swaying grass... its just better that way. |