i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

and i find myself battling it in all aspects here.

cynical to my God.

cynical to my abilities as a student

cynical to my writing.

what do i do when people are not persuaded, and they say "ok" and think in their minds

"she's retarded. she's so screwed and she doesn't even know it"

i always take a tumble

but i guess if i roll hard enough there'll be momentum for me to flip into an upright standing position, ready for that next hit.

i wish there were more building up, but either way i'll grow.

i need the right kind of encouragement.

not the mushy i believe you can do it,

but don't tell me i need to start holding my ass up so it dont drag on the ground.

maybe its confidence.

a friend who really does believe with everything that i can and will do it.

who doesn't need to tell me and yet can convey.

=/ is that possible haha.

anyway,

you were so rude.

i don't even know how to react.

too cocky.

even for you.

im surprised..and surprised that i'm surprised.

in retrospect i realize its always been this way.

you have no right, to give me your opinion on my accent, or my weight or anything related to anything other than my intellect.

stay within your limits.

and the hell away from everything else.

thankyou.

and my christmas shopping has started. and i realize what i have to buy. T.T

it makes me depressed.

but i have a general idea of what to get for most people..

i think. ><

and you my dear.

i'll see you soon ^^