i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

this is my hour break between classes and ccf.

its a nice period of time.

and reflect on the heavy-duty material from Nick Mount's lectures.

i really like Karen Solie's poetry,

and it inspires me to do something like it.

i've always been writing poetry.

but i've never seriously though about doing it.

everything.

i realize,

all my aspirations are half-hearted.

except for my desire to teach.

which led me to UofT.

i would like to have other aspirations.

if only there were more than 24 hours in a day.

i feel so pressed for time,

there's no time to do what i really want to do,

there's barely time enough to do what i have to do.

constructing dreams is wonderful

and so highschool.

highschool gives you the capacity to structure and create,

in your mind

the type of life you want to do

until you get sucked into the vortex of work in university.

and everything gets pushed beyond the B.A.H

after.

its after the degree.

i wonder if life is just like this,

everything is always later.

how do i embrace it for now,

when it takes me all effort to keep up.

and still enjoy pools of laziness.

because laziness is true equilibrium

balance.

where your nothing balances out everything.

and you need that sometimes.

and you also need friend time.

and food time.

leisure is so cut up.

what happened to life being life as a whole

instead of fragmented bits?

hmm...

this is the modernity in which we exist.

as Nick Mount would explain..

of the in-between.

the more i am educated on this however,

the stronger my determination becomes

to mould my life into a different set.

with God.

with my desires

with my work

with my leisure

with my career

with my family.

i refuse to separate them.

i don't want a life of fragments.

it needs to be a whole.

but is my ability enough to encompass all aspects and tie them in together?

do i have this capacity?

or does it boil down to sheer determination and will.

funny isnt it,

that even when i want to live a life where i don't segment.

my effort segments into a before and after.