i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

因為，我的心情總是在這個時候最平靜，最舒服。

如果可以的話，整晚不睡也會很開心。

以前都是很喜歡早一點起，

現在完全不會 hahaha

又過了一個星期。

明天大midterm

要好好加油。

哎。

好想暑假快一點來。

一想到就興奮 hehe

最近在想，

我對於自己會不會有點悲觀。

不夠信心，太多信心。

不太清楚。

我很注重我的外表，

不知道是不是表示的很清楚hehehehe

可是，從小，被笑很醜。被欺負。

一直以為，是我的命運。

一輩子躲在眼鏡後面，

因為牙齒而不敢大笑。

因為不漂亮，所以覺得自己

永遠只能當第二。

i remember

taking off my glasses in the bathroom.

and squinting at my reflection,

telling myself, "you don't look that bad."

practising facial expressions, 不斷的看。

i also remember, putting on my contact lens

at home for the first time.

and looking at myself.

for the first time.

i see something worth looking at.

i remember walking into school

first day.

wearing my contacts...

整個人精神增兩倍。

好開心。那感覺。

there are no words to describe how much that changed me.

it sounds pathetic. but truly.

as if, in shedding my glasses i shed years of low self-esteem,

and lack of confidence.

and second guessing myself.

and paving the way for a new kind of restriction.

to be afraid, to ever put those glasses on again.

to show other people, any trace of what used to be there.

growing up is so strange.

but i remember you always,

who looked past my glasses, my teeth, my hair, my awkwardness.

and liked what was inside.

and didn't give up for the longest time. hehe.

even though 我常常對你很刻薄。

但是，每天陪你說話，

找你吃飯。

好快樂。

beauty is perception.

and i still find it hard to adjust every day.

but the accumulation of self-confidence continues.

and i am determined to get past my disgusting pessimism.

and second guessing.

of being comfortable yet uncomfortable.

when i look myself in the mirror now,

my face is completely different.

but she's there.

she's there in the expression...

不好看。不漂亮。不夠好。

but she needs to leave.

because if she stays, i will feel repulsed by myself.

because, this is what i don't stand for.

because i know, beauty lies far beneath the face,

far beneath the clothing, the hair and the compliments.

and i need to get past you.