i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

i've been waiting for my rainy day

and although i wasn't prepared for it (after carrying my umbrella around for two weeks i got tired)

i had plenty of fun running home matrix-ing my way through raindrops.

i've been waiting,

because sometimes i can only blog on rainy days.

and my playlists were made for rainy days, my favorite music is what a rainy day would listen to.

so as of late, besides working, and job hunting for a second slot i have been

indulging in my summer habit of reading all my favorite books.

i think university has disillusioned me a lot deeper than i realized,

and im just beginning to rediscover the me buried beneath intellectual pessimists and words stringed with logic that does not acknowledge beauty.

my aspirations for university have never been a 4.0 (that would be nice), nor have i ever hoped to speed through and get onto the next part of my life,

to quote,

i feel that my intellect is always impressed beyond measure by the big guys like Marx, Freud and Derrida.

but i think my life lessons come from the pens of those whose minds see beyond the intellect into the sphere of living as a whole, to those that see beauty as something important and not just a leisurely tack-on to an accidental life we have stumbled on.

i refuse to be disillusioned, i will push off the weight of heavy books in exchange for limited edition paperbacks filled with the original principles i first rooted myself in.

i thought i was dwelling on a distant future, but now i see that even then, i was short-sighted, my gaze needs to be fixed on the eternal.

at eighteen i find me chiding myself, why were you so eager to be all grown up.

as always, i feel myself disconnected, and that i would have preferred living somewhere less busy, somewhere more quiet, some time before all this was all this.

but each era has its own set of problems,

and maybe im oversimplifying, and romanticizing...

but somehow,

i feel as if, without the aids of electricity,

i would have been able to indulge in some other aspects of my personality that are

muffled and slowly dying, swamped by convenience and efficiency.

this era's problem is, that we all grow up too fast, but we all mature too late.

that was my brilliant thought of the day as i rode the mtr to work.

thats what i am.

thats what we all are.

thats the new disease.

in case you think im suffering a case of pessimism, quite the contrary,

awareness is the beginning of my optimism.

now i know,

and i can set myself ideals.

for if we're never stepping toward something better,

the steps are better off not having been taken.

take a chance.

be derailed.

on a side note:

i've discovered a new chinese female vocal i like. woot.

and i like tracks 6, 7, 8 and 9 of jay chou's new album

that is all.

lines and verses are only outward garments

the beautiful part is the soul within them,

thats the real poem.