i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

to know is to understand

to know is to experience

to know is to feel.

and all i want to say when i look back at myself

is

foolish foolish girl.

with time and age i wrestle demons that

come and go with vengeance.

life has fleeting moments,

wonderful

ugly

beautiful

terrifying

fantastical

horrifying

quiet.

my daily prayer is that i live this life with my footprints in the sand,

and when they are washed away by the waves,

thats fine with me,

because God always intended it to be that way.

for the waves to undulate and hit the shore,

and for the sand to reabsorb all trace of my presence.

all i hope is that, when people who walked this beach with me,

look back to relive and remember,

they'll see that those footprints were halting and sometimes wayward,

but that they always moved forward,

and always stopped for a bit, when theirs made an appearance,

in the sand next to mine.

--

as i grow older,

i realize that the motto i really do want to live by

is to live honestly.

in that i mean,

to live honestly as a good person,

and to live honestly with my emotions,

my pitfalls,

my triumphs,

my flaws,

my merits,

my faith,

my love,

my thoughts.

when i laugh i will laugh

when i cry i will cry

when im mad i'll be mad

if im wrong i'll be wrong openly,

and when im right i'll be right too.

every time i meet a new struggle i'll face it head on,

and smack its ass silly.

and i'm learning, to love myself and ignore

what people think.

even though it hurts,

even though it stings,

i'll be my upset self,

but then after that you won't matter as much.

but God loves all,

so i aspire to love all,

but i will not descend into fakeness.

i will not pretend to enjoy your company.

i will not tell you lies to make you feel better.

and i will not agree with you for your fragile self-esteem.

and regardless of race, age, religion, gender,

if respect goes unheeded.

well, in that case i feel sorry for you.

--

this summer i have come to realize that the people that really matter,

are the people smallest in number.

and thats all i really need.

now that i've blown off some steam,

i feel alot better and am ready to let waves wash those frenzied prints away

i hope i never grow old to be cynical and skeptical.

and what i have is too precious to ever let anything ruin it, including myself.

so i'll hold on to this year of words,

to remember and live by.