why?

its strange to be left behind.

in some ways its interesting to see,

in some ways i feel queasy.

=/

am i the only one left grasping to the ends of my childhood?

today i sat in the sun, watching the rod intently praying for a fish bite.

i kicked a bucket to watch catfish slither over each other

and tried to scrape dirt out from under my nails.

i sat in the backseat with little girls and sang with them,

made them laugh by saying stupid things and pulling faces.

today i lifted my baby cousin 100 times in leaps so she could experience

what it meant to fly.

today i ran away from joanne who held squirming earthworms.

today i took a nap.

today i ate stolen cookies.

today i told my mother not to die in a car accident in the rain and leave all the children behind.

today i planned out my funeral party.

today i watched the Jungle book 2.

its a sad moment then,

to see that in my joy of reliving pieces of my childhood

the people moving ahead in front of me.

and for a moment it feels lonely, to be me.

but when hasn't it been this way.

i wish i had a second me, to comfort me

and to tell me that i wasn't alone in all the things that i loved.

to shove books in my face and tell me to inhale,

to love grey skies, foggy skies and rainy skies just as much as blue skies.

to hate airplanes but love flying,

to tell me about all the newest old life lessons that have just been absorbed.

to know how it feels when your heart is torn into so many pieces and scattered all over the place.

to feel sad when best friends become old friends

to feel happy when best friends become old friends.

the push and pull of time

as it slowly but surely tears out bits of soul

and attaches them to the best moments in life.

the best moments are fleeting faces,

with dying laughter and wiped tears.

of childhood naivete.

i really can't wait to go home.

it's been too long.

and now im tired.

and i wish i could lie down, close my eyes,

and travel through time.