i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

the illusion of university is that its chill.

that you have a life but you simultaneously engage in study.

this is quite untrue.

especially on tuesdays.

definition of tuesday: an 8 hour day of classes, starting at 9AM and ending at 9AM

the thing about university is that,

i guess it could be really chill.

if you decided to skip all your readings, and go sporadically to tutorials...

but pourqoi?? money spent is money spent.

i'd take advantage.

nevertheless, this week will require intense discipline as fall retreat is coming up,

and im working a double shift at the booksale,

and there's the vicreach meeting,

and i have to meet up for prayer and prep for fall retreat smallgroup bible study

and i have an essay due monday that i have to finish before friday because retreat will eat up my weekend.

the horror.

plus im missing out on fantastic events like iCRAVE's coffeehouse =(

this makes me sad.

but you win some and lose some.

but why should i be rambling about the practicality of life when im submerged in it all day?

things i noticed today:

a squirrel chased a pigeon (it was funny)

at king's college circle, when the wind blows past those berry trees it creates a really abstract monet-esque effect because the leaves all rustle in the same direction but the berries stay solid due to weight.

that red autumn leaves set against the blue sky are the most unrealistic natural combination in the world.

that i celebrate the day with a vengeance because i truly detest the night.

life is beautiful in the moment.

and i find that the more time i spend on self-reflection,

deciding on where exactly the beauty and the flaws are in my person,

the larger my capacity for living at peace with myself is.

i am not so special as to be particularly targeted by the world into unfortunate things, i have a blessed life despite my troubles,

this makes me grateful and humbled.

but humility does not equal belittling oneself or a lack of confidence.

i am special in that i am who i am, i recognize my strength in doing what i do best and i am carried on the knowledge that the Creator of the Universe has touched my soul.

i am confident in my ability to be the best person i can be, to be a potpourri of gifts that may not be too spectacular, but make a difference nonetheless.

not everyone needs to aspire to be great.

sometimes it is sufficient to be ordinary,

and then to touch the ordinary

and add a bit of you

that makes it extra.

extraordinary.

the paradoxes in life are a great source of amusement for my mental frolics.

i realize with age that i want to retain the freshness of perspective and enthusiasm for life that children have.

yet i also yearn for an intellectual cultivation of my perception of this world, in multiple disciplines and that inevitably leads to a degree of cynicism.

i guess the trick that i'm just now beginning to discover,

is that when i can consciously recognize or sift through my unconscious processes,

to ask myself why i am angry, why i am upset, why do i not like this person...

and i am able to debate myself quite frankly, but not necessarily need to come to a conclusion.

(why does there need to be one?)

it means that i am one step closer to loving me in my own skin, and loving others for who they are.