i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

but thats impossible.

so i'll try to eat my words =.=

it seems as though every time i get cynical,

get too unsympathetic or feel sour,

God throws something into the mix to slap me in the face.

and i remember.

and i regret.

it remains to be seen as to what kind of girl i'll turn out to be exactly.

i've always had ideals...

from really sweet and good to the complete badass who won't give a shit.

but as can be seen from my lack of ANYTHING for this halloween weekend,

im really not that interesting of a person.

in fact, i spent the entire saturday indoors, essay-ing, eating, laundry-ing and youtube-ing.

but im blessed.

and im lucky.

and God has been infinitely good to me.

no words God, no words...

i never have a right to complain.

not with all this.

and i understand that feeling,

as if in a second everything will fall to pieces and i'll find myself alone,

afraid,

at a loss for what to do.

someday i'm going to be better than i am.

someday i'm going to be braver, stronger, wiser.

someday i'll learn how to overcome the ugly that is within me.

im not the girl that i intend to be...

but darlin' just you wait and see.

this time not for you,

just for me.

i'll find the other side of someday.