i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

and in some aspects a beginning.

if postmodernism is the era of unraveling,

of debunking metanarratives and displacing absolute truth.

my life in this postmodern era has ben one of raveling,

of following my end of the string

hopefully finding that my God Almighty is holding the other end of the string.

(i know it sounds really nerdy/keener-esque but i just came from theoretical tutorials kay)

in continuation i find that your thread and mine still overlap,

we've been knotted for so long.

now the thread seems to be fraying...breaking up...

and im faced with the decision to tie this knot up again, or let you go.

in continuation i realize that whilst looking for the path through which my thread goes,

im finding your loves still pulling me through,

that you would take some time off looking for your own to help me untangle my thoughts...

is the greatest blessing i'd ever receive and for that im so grateful i can't actually express it.

so for yj, terry and janice again... for double the concerns in your own ways...

my thread will hopefully never leave the loop of yours.

in beginnings i find myself in the fetal position,

waiting for something to happen.

wondering at my lack of heart.

and praying for a miracle.

nothing seems to be settled yet,

but im taking heart oh im taking so much heart.

that in this life i've seen, heard, felt, given and taken...

if i could show you the colors of my heart,

like a kaleidoscope ever shifting, ever changing

all for love.

if that is true,

then im joyful that i am loved.

and that will give me strength to be used by all the others,

the ones who don't matter.

and when im rested enough from this curled up posture,

when i've lain here enough in this love.

i'll wake up to stretch,

and know that in resuming my raveling of this thread of life

im not alone.

i was never alone.

and that this is not failure,

but a kaleidoscope.