i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

overslept

back in a composition spree.

trying out new styles of writing lyrics, mostly experimenting in mandarin though,

with all this blogging, tumblr-ing, essay writing that dominates my english,

my chinese needs to flow out somehow.

so far i've had a few hits and a few misses, but its all good.

onward to my goal of breaking into the industry XD

this brief break between psychology development tables and a Neo-Confucian essay is one of many secret breaks i've been taking.

lately i've been coming to discovering many interesting things...

the fear of the unknown, of unfamiliarity.

somehow i pull through each night unfazed, battling off such demons, clinging still to what i want to be the greatest Love in my life.

God are you listening?

you know my heart.

how to survive in a world that pulls me in two directions,

where is the precocious line between in this world and of this world?

there are a million things i want to pursue, but never enough time to distribute the amount of effort i want to in each of these.

lamenting the stack of books sitting in the bookshelf still unread,

lamenting at the stack of books sitting on the table that have to be read.

the ironies of an English Specialist.

the love-hate of university.

all i've eaten today is a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, albeit a really large bowl though.

working on psychology, after attempts at refining a song piece i wrote last night.

24 hours is just not enough.

sometimes i wish we had the option to sleep, but didn't have to.

then i'd be up so much pursuing things i only dream of.

the wind shrieks like a banshee in the doorway

as if telling me "the end is here, the end is here"

and fear runs a battering ram again and again

against the fortresses that protect my heart.

retreated and retreating still, i pull my legs into

the corners of the sink cabinet and cover my

head with my arms, my eyes with my hands.

and whisper, "God hear me, God hear me"

Don't let me go.

i believe in blue roses.

----

quick Edit:

i was watching the vimeo blurb dear Anonymous sent to me on the side (IDENTIFY YOURSELF PLEASE) on Jaeson Ma's prayer.

assuming that this is a person i know and that we went to 1040 together, (or the possibility of it not being that, which is quite low) J.Ma is quite a speaker.

however, when he started talking about Random Acts of Kindness days, and how he's doing a year of it.

i remember something Pastor Jason Noh said to us one mundane sunday at New Hope, he said that our culture and generation today has degenerated to such a point, that we have to actually designate days on which to do acts of kindness. Isn't that sad?

And this resounds in my head quite often,

everyday should be acts of kindness days.

but i applaud J. Ma for bringing it to the surface,

i greatly appreciate the way in which he phrased specifically that such acts of kindness would be Holy Spirit led and for the furthering of the Kingdom of God.

how awesome is that.

to be honest i fail quite often.

but then, even the best fall down sometimes (haha Howie Day)

so why wouldn't i?

no excuses,

just onward marching to "BE better"