i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

as much as i love my academia,

im starting to pine for days in which i do nothing but waste away

and read books that are of interest to me.

instead... here i am, desperately trying to please some random people

who are superior in either knowledge via Ph.D or well on their way to getting there.

needless to say, despite my great love for the pursuit of knowledge,

i'd much rather not have to deal with rejection.

however as always,

i am faced with another judgment call.

in times like these,

i thank God first that he answered my questions today =)

and second thank friends who exclaim with me where necessary, and encourage

even in the face of my self-doubt.

this love-hate relationship will always be around,

i guess what matters then is the way i take it and move on.

after a few hours of moping, i think i am ready to rechallenge this shebang.

for some strange reason i am plodding along to class at a sort of dread,

repercussions of the judgment call.

challenge is necessary, but im kinda nervous.

i really think its time.

but somehow i can't quite bring myself,

to move forward,

and leave my silhouette behind.