i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

all i know in that moment is,

despite my beating heart,

despite my uncertainty,

despite my lack of assurance,

all i wanted was for more voices to uplift you

and your cold dying heart.

so i stepped off the cliff

into the unknown.

left somewhat ashamed,

at having opened the door again

to so many at once.

somehow my tears still have as little control as they did so long ago.

no i'm not weak,

i lie.

yes i am.

but you shouldn't know that.

still unable to tell

if what i did was for you or for me

does it matter?

maybe.

this time, maybe this time.