i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

this is my third attempt to blog since the last time.

somehow the words never came out right, or even at all.

its also taking me a horrendously long time to write,

what to say about lately?

nothing really.

going through the motions,

im happy.

happy to have witnessed snowfall in the sunshine.

white flakes that glistened, sparkled as they fell in complete silence,

there's something about snow that quiets the world down.

maybe some of that snow is now in my heart,

quieting everything now.

a much-needed quiet.

and when the snow has fallen, and the world is silent

i'll be the first, making tracks in the snow...

and i'll trek over those places, those familiar places

and see what used to be, how we used to do.

and i'll ask myself some hard questions, and hope that in my tracks i'll find the answers.

what do we know?

i dreamt of you.

you that i can't shake off.

whose footprints keep appearing.

where do we go?

so here's the next question,

will you love me in my silence?

and then the next,

will you love me at my worst?

the most important however,

do you even love me, at my best?

this life is moment to moment, and i love them all,

even though no fingers are willing to touch mine this time.

i gave it everything,

and discovered

that nobody was willing to do the same for me.

but who can blame them?

the stakes are too high,

the heart's too weak to lose.

and my strength,

my said strength,

does it capture your heart?

or dissolve your guilt?

either way,

the price i paid for this strength

you won't ever know.

but im just devastated,

devastated you never bothered to find out.