i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

i learned the hard way about polaroid film and underexposure.

i may only have 2 successful shots out of the 5 pieces i've tried so far.

thats okay.

its the beginning of something i really enjoy.

so every shot will be meaningful

and i only get one shot.

no idea can be recycled,

no subject matter should be repeated.

life is full of one shots.

--

i went to church bubbly, and returned home still.

this feeling i love greatly,

i need stillness.

i need steadiness.

i need warmth, not heat,

i need passion, not excitement,

i need a smile, not gushing,

and if silence could be given as a gift

if words of silence could be given,

please give them to me.

how do i turn my private self public?

does this negate the existence of my private person?

i guess the better question is,

how to turn the me i am alone to a me that walks among...

i need to turn off these defences.

and stop harboring fire escapes.

these days these thoughts these things these times.

my heart is overflowing with words not to say,

but to write, to be read,

i have so much to say but what i have to say is

nothing.

everything is nothing.

nothing is everything.

everything.

i push and i push and i search for something to pierce

these moments of uncertainty, of fear and of doubt.

i find that i'm not enough.

and that i'm still lost.

how terrible it is that i have one shot.

but maybe that's why i let it all go and use everything i have

for this one shot.

and this shot will be art.

no matter the look,

this shot will be perfect.