i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

and why? i don't know, but i should have learned my lesson.

to fall first is to fall hard and then to let go is to take a knife to the heart.

to be loved.

to be the one in the eyes of someone else,

to love too.

the things i miss i see,

an uncontainable desire to always be together,

the comfortable touch of the head,

the way eyes meet and smiles speak silently,

and always and always i say to myself

that it's okay.

and always and always the searing flash of

something lost.

to wait.

to heal.

but strength is hard,

and sometimes i wish i would hear loud and clear like i used to,

"you are beautiful"

when you chased away my self-doubts and gave me courage to be better.

now i walk alone,

with God to guide me

but in his love and perfection

i still feel so remarkably alone.

does that sound wrong?

that means i feel wrong.

and maybe i am wrong.

but my pursuit continues nonetheless,

and when my best is not enough,

my best needs to be broken into something better.

to the mister i'm guarding my heart for and against,

one day.

someday.

soon?