i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

just let me sit here, let me be.

these days i am covering myself up in silence.

when i say most it infers a minority that i would love to walk with me still,

perhaps i'm burning out right around now.

feeling tired, pressured, from having to uphold expectations, to be good, to be humbly perfect.

these days i am strongly reining in my desire to snap at people and tell them to shut up,

go away.

leave me alone.

yet these thoughts apply only to 80% of the people i know.

what then, separates the other 20%?

i don't really know.

those dearest souls that never force,

the eyes that look and really see, and look away when necessary,

the smiles that understand and comfort, that exude a quiet strength.

you are all also my strengths in times of weakness.

and if you happen to be reading this,

i am sorry you are witnessing such a detestable side of me.

--

i immensely dislike feeling pressured by people.

i intensely detest having my privacy violated.

i am tired of being disappointed.

i am sick of hearing what i could do better.

i don't want to hear it. i don't want to do it.

i am jaded and bitter.

i don't want to have to explain myself to you later,

i don't want to hurt anybody.

but i believe strongly in letting feelings go till they run themselves out,

before i move on.

so until i feel better,

if you don't want to get pricked,

if you are 80% of the world,

please just leave me alone.