i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

needing a hand to hold,

wanting a soul to care,

to smile and tell me its okay.

these sick days i take now as challenges,

to learn how to be stronger,

to get by on my own.

and yet, and yet,

in fighting off my heart's desires,

sometimes,

a flower falls into the path.

and what do i do then?

in opening the door

i see you and i know what you've come for.

and its hard to accept without saying a word,

except thank you. thank you but nothing more.

if only everybody could be happy.

if only things always just worked out.

if only somebody would love you,

and see you for all you were.

it can't be me.

and for that i'm so sorry.

even in my lonely i know,

its not you.

even in my needy i know,

i must wait.

but these thankyous i wish i could say

weigh heavily on my heart

and i can't figure out how to let this go.

who am i becoming?

how long till somebody understands?

that beneath all my strong there is

a little girl waiting.

that behind all the history is

a forgiven soul.

...

are we too much the same?

so it would never work out?

maybe.

just maybe.