i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

and yet i cannot.

there are too many things that i wish to tell you,

but have not.

and i am in still in the process of figuring out

how to let the quiet be quiet.

and let the noise fade into silence.

or at least,

how to safely treasure all these things i wish to say,

remember them but to leave them unspoken.

how do i stay remembered?

if to no one at least to myself?

the frustration is building and building

and i need to get out.

but first i must wait.

i've taken to long discussions,

reprimanding and scolding myself.

to carry myself through.

and i'm trying my very hardest,

to be good, to be better

to be beautiful.

if only this journey weren't so tiresome and lonely.

if only i weren't walking physically alone.

but i am.

there are bigger and better footsteps with me.

and He did it alone too.

so i shall try, with all i am.

you'll see.