i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

one moment i am content at being back, to be surrounded by familiar faces

and in a second everything is crashing down, like someone took an axe to the scaffolding of a new building and hacked it apart.

too exposed.

the pain doesn't go away

it throbs and glowers, like the dying embers of a fire that blazed its best and brightest

and won't go out.

so i sit here,

around this shadow of a flame,

a last ditch attempt to warm this heart.

things change.

and i have come to realize just how strong i am

not.

this summer is not tragic,

i refuse to mope and color these days sour.

but everything is bittersweet,

in the most tangible and literal of senses.

every little thing strikes a chord,

that wells into joy followed by a pang of loss.

a listening to the wind sing through these empty spaces

in my heart.

我不甘心。

i won't be defeated,

not by me.

be silent you who tell me i am worthless.

be gone you who believe i am weak and needy.

in my moments of greatest weakness,

i will find the best of strength.

when the pain stings like a slap to the face

i will turn the tears into perseverance.

in the shadows of cold-hearted loneliness,

i will remember love.

in the darkness,

i will believe the same things i did when it was light.

lost in the fray for now.

but that's okay.

there's a fighter in me that won't go away.

i will be strong.

i promise.