i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

i want to be ready for the build.

in my desire to not be a stumbling block

i seem to have turned into a block of nothing.

how long has it been,

since i've heard words of affirmation and encouragement unsought?

do i have to ask?

no. i don't.

they come. they have.

like little specks of dew on blades of grass.

they heal this bruised heart, slowly.

and they are enough to make me cry.

i realize i am standing on the precipice,

in a very fragile state.

this cliff is not familiar.

but i think today im picking myself up, and putting it back together.

i'm taking all of Love, and wrapping my fatigue up inside.

i'm taking up my books, placing them against my chest.

but don't look me in the eyes,

they don't lie

and i can't let you see the truth.

in the meantime,

i will wear my smile,

the one you called sweet.

in the meantime,

when i miss your shoulders,

i will chastise myself in the hallway mirror.

in the meantime,

if you start to open my scars,

then i will press you between the pages of a book

and leave you a remnant, like i should have done long ago.

i remember when you told me,

you loved to walk with me when i was lost deep in thought.

now you've seen me in the lapses of silence,

and you worry, because my voice has been my defense.

and the veil has dropped, everything revealed in disarray.

i feel your loss keenly, you my dearest, you who always loved me most in my silence.

set against the backdrop of the many others, who are just now beginning to see my heart in its complete state.

shambles.

no ma'am, i haven't. are you alright?

ma'am? but you are speaking.

after all these things are done,

will i love better?