i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

except, i feel like it should be spent with somebody.

only its not,

and here i am,

musing on my own.

there is so much frustration in my heart it tears

and tears the fabric at the seams.

so i stay home, behind locked doors where its safe,

but even then i can't bring myself to let loose out loud,

as though in saying it out i'll carve it into permanence

and lose the relativity of silence.

and i inhale and exhale and inhale and exhale

hoping, praying that with each breath released some of it

leaves me, back into the air, back to where it came from

that my heart will stop wandering,

and that my walls will stop breaking,

because its so hard to have to walk away

from what is not mine.

it eats,

into my chest.

i need to get out.

or maybe,

its just because its

this sort of night.