i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

my body is active,

my mind is haggard.

my heart is sluggish.

why is it that in the things that matter the most,

i lose all the words that should be said?

why is it that what i want the most,

is freely given to others, but denied me?

why is it that in my heart i know what needs to be done

but can't help collapsing where i am?

if i am a fire,

as you said i am.

then right now i am dying,

all coals and embers,

with an occasional spiteful crackle,

a last attempt at a flame.

i am tired of this.

i am tired of being alone.

i am tired of being told that it has to be this way.

i am tired of being told i have to be strong,

i am tired of being told i have to be weak.

i am tired of being wrong

i am tired of being right

i would like to vanish into myself.

and fill these many holes.

i know tomorrow morning i will wake up,

and somehow inside,

there will be strength.

there will be effort.

there will be determination to continue.

but right now i am sick of these empty hands

and sick of these lonely feet.

sick of my neediness

and sick of my independence.

sick of my appearance and its problems,

sick of having to care about what people think of me.

if a torn up heart is beautiful,

then i must be a wonderful sight to behold.

shut up.

shut up and listen.

can't you just listen?

is there no silence that will love me?