i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

it is not an unbearable, insufferable feeling,

i think it comes with the quiet i've grown to wrap myself into.

it's strange,

to walk determinedly back to my place,

and turn the key,

and know the exact kind of silence that will greet me.

sometimes i miss the low hum of a companion,

the quiet murmur and a harmonized laughter.

yet my life is filled with all those,

so this loneliness will be something i won't chase away.

at the same time, i also realize then, what the power of love really is about.

an intentional intrusion, into my sphere of alone-ness,

it is when someone chooses to unravel that blanket,

or join you under it, even for only a while.

love is a commitment to intrude every day.

and perhaps,

these moments of overwhelming loneliness,

is just another prompt,

another refining,

for i find the stirrings within myself,

to start seeking Him first,

instead of returning last.

learning the swiftness of prayer on my lips,

as opposed to the desperation of a last resort.

most of the time, i find myself asking God

"why?"

why are there all these things happening around me,

why are there all these feelings i have,

why is there so much conflict and ugliness

why, despite the joy i always fall back into pain

and these days,

i feel as though the answer is,

"it's okay my dear."

and i go,

to sit with Him

and cry to my heart's content.

this year i am learning so much.