i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

is the inversion

of

wishful thinking

to

thoughtful wishes.

wishful thinking

is trying to erase the past,

or justify it to make myself feel comfortable again.

it is wanting to believe that i

am above the trivial mistakes and misjudgments

that often inflict us in life.

it is wanting to wallow in

a puddle of self-pity and imagine that

some fairytale media sensation story will fall into my lap.

no.

with every fibre of my being,

i am consciously saying

no.

i am walking on the ridge of scars

toward a wiser tomorrow.

i am falling so that in my failures

there is a deeper strength.

i am not depending on that which

is neither permanent nor perfect.

there is more in me than i ever envisioned,

and until the full picture unfolds,

i will wish for strength, for comfort, for courage, for wisdom, for grace, for love.

i will make thoughtful wishes,

and turn them into fervent prayers.

push my heart into my knees that

one day,

one day...

from the inside out

done.