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a reason
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intertext lu mikan janice qiao dawn to reply
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to not give in to the whims of the instant to not look back it hurts too much to be disappointed, so i don't ask. and yet inside, is a me, waiting for someone to reach out and take my hand unashamed. and yet inside, as i step away, my heart gets heavier and i wonder why i choose to do the things i do. in moments of doubt i often wish i didn't love you. it has been wonderful but it has also been painful. in moments of sanity i acknowledge there is no clear separation of the two. and so, i plod on, in the cold, bitter and sad and someone else calls my name, choosing to walk with me. oh it hurts. but how grateful i am, to that someone else. for offering a moment of comfort, in a growing storm of emotion. in walking away, i guess i discover, the ones that choose to come after me. but you, you are not selfish, and when push comes to shove, i go first. because to favor me, means self-indulgence and you won't be. i love you for that reason too but oh how it hurts. |