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pride doesn't really cut it. there is anger, but, more, there is sadness. there is fear of more than just pain. these are days where i don't trust myself with anyone, because nobody seems reliable enough for dependency. i refuse to let this be a pity party moment, if i go down i will go down fighting furiously. that is what it means to have my 自尊心, when i can say your lapse in attention didn't kill me. there are rules that i abide by, these are rules that come with stories. "i will never ask you to stay behind." "there are things to be shared, and other things that are mine." there are suggestions that i give, and then forget to take, such as "never get soft, or your heart will get stepped on all over again" and now look. not just once or twice. no i will look the other way and let silence cushion the hurt. i won't forget my stories, this is who i am. i have no equivalent. i will never compete for your attention, if it is not already mine. Labels: personal |