i hope my words are strange and wondrous,

like kisses that quiet all things superfluous,

so that we can all stop and

listen

not that i haven't been alone in a while,

but there's been much going on.

and i guess i'm reeling in my social lines because i have too many fish in the bucket already.

so many thoughts:

the dual potentials of chairing,

have been processes of watching God's will for me unfold in my life.

it is incredibly exciting,

but also overwhelming,

and i still have to catch my breath.

glory is intimidating, i don't want to shine, at least... not in exchange for my privacy.

but i know, that following a great God means he will use me for great things,

but great things also mean great sacrifices.

how far will i follow you Jesus?

i want to say "to the ends of the earth"

but the truth is, i don't know.

i feel the burden of leadership, settling comfortably between my shoulder blades,

and the lie, hovering just above it, behind my ear,

telling of personal greatness,

personal desire, and personal glory.

i am apprehensive. i know the traps,

but knowing is no safety net against the fall.

so i run,

looking for a time out.

"why are you here?"

"to be with You. because only then does it feel right.

i am afraid. you know.

that while walking your way, i will lose mine."

"well dearest, as long as you want to be with me..."

"i do. i really do."

"then go down the mountain, when these words end.

this place is not your refuge.

i am.

and wherever you are, so

am i."