|
a reason
about
intertext lu mikan janice qiao dawn to reply
disclaimer
Layout made by tkh.
|
and in doing so, i sorted through my soul, and rearranged the space. i am always striving, but sometimes i lose my way, and lately there have been many of those days. a fragile state of independence shaken and crumbling again with your newfound existence. it would be simple, and easy to collapse against your chest, in comforting slumbers. sheltered against my fears from arms that promise to stay, despite their need to move. but i am not that kind of girl. and i cannot live with myself, curled up in your embrace. it cheapens the strength i have gained, and drags me back into the same sins of yesterday. so i push you away. perhaps it is why it always feels safer to erect a wall and stay on the other side. perhaps it is why i am cleaning and cleaning, to reconfigure the space of my heart, and place you somewhere safe. but that is not right either. to hold you at arms length, means to deny you entrance. it weakens the conviction of your question and my answer that laid a love in place. so i show you around. perhaps it is why it feels like a tightrope stretched taut between two selves. perhaps it is why i am tugging and pulling, for attention, and all your affection to rest, the way dust settles, on me. 'how do i let you love me?' is the question, and thus far, the answer lies on the other side of someday. Labels: faith, musing, personal, self-portrait |